Sunday, July 7, 2013

5 Years Without Aubrey

Five years ago today Aubrey Elizabeth left earth for heaven. Before she went she opened her eyes and looked at me. Her sister Ellie was waiting for her.

We visited the cemetery today to put flowers on Aubrey's grave. I watched my boys play in the cemetery. They know the rules now. Don't touch the other flowers or step on any headstones. And they even ask to visit the other babies. I find it both sweet and strange that they are so comfortable there.

I told my sweet girl that I am sure 5 years in heaven has been amazing and to wait for me. I cried today even though I didn't want to and before I left the only words I could manage were "I'm sorry."

I miss my sweet brave tiny girl. I miss her everyday.

Monday, July 1, 2013

5 Years Without Ellie

Five years ago today I held my sweet Ellie in my arms until her heart stopped beating and she left this world for heaven. I remember feeling the air get sucked out of the room and we just knew she was gone. I didn't want to stop holding her but after a little while we had to give her over. My only requests were to please keep her warm and to gently remove the tape that once held her tubes. She was gone but I still worried for her. I still wanted to protect her. I still wanted to be a good mother to her.

I miss you sweet girl more than words can say. You took a piece of my heart with you and I have not been the same since. Tears and pretty flowers were all I could muster today. My heart longs for you and counts down the days until we meet again. It is my privilege to be forever changed by loving you.

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