Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I felt my heart sink the moment it happened. To make matters worse, you know what I did? I threw it away. What use is a teapot without a handle? How would I pour my tea? That was my rationale. In a split second I deemed it no longer valuable. I had a momentary lapse of judgment and I just tossed it in the trash just like that.
I instantly regretted it. I still regret it.
I love that teapot. Seriously. I do.
I bet you are thinking I should just get a new one. I am the owner of a tea company after all. I can get any teapot I want at wholesale right?
But I don't want another teapot. I want my favorite yellow teapot.
You don't understand what that teapot means to me.
My husband bought me that teapot seven and a half years ago. I was pregnant with our first child and living at my parents' while he was deployed in Iraq. For Christmas he signed me up for a tea-of-the-month club and a little yellow teapot came with it. It was the perfect gift for me and I was so touched by his thoughtfulness (my husband is an excellent gift giver). I immediately walked my giant belly to the kitchen to make a cup of tea in my new and lovely little yellow teapot.
And that was the beginning. The beginning of a friendship with a teapot. A long, unexpected, meaningful attachment with a little yellow friend.
That teapot supported me during my last month of pregnancy. It welcomed home my first baby. It kept me going for a year and a half of almost no sleep. It comforted me through my husband's second deployment. It fostered friendships and conversations.
It made the thousands of cups of tea that got me through Aubrey and Ellie's deaths. Thousands. I cried holding it a hundred times.
It welcomed home my second son too. It moved to four different houses with me. I even traveled with it. That little yellow teapot was a constant for seven and a half years. No matter what chaos my life was in, it was there.
And I just threw it away.
It has been a few weeks now and I have had some time to process my impulsiveness. I spent three days crying, missing my teapot. I even called a friend to tell her how sad I was and to express my regret. What was I thinking?
Truth be known I think I felt bad being attached to it, guilty even or superficial. Someone like me who has lost so much should have perspective right? It was just a teapot, a thing, an inanimate object. I shouldn't be so attached to a thing.
Yet losing it broke my heart and throwing it away was a mistake. It may have just been a teapot but it was my favorite teapot. And I loved it. That teapot got me through the hardest part of my life. That teapot, in many ways, saved me.
I tried to dig it out of the trash but it was too late. It had been taken away by the trash truck, lost to me forever. I decided that I would let myself grieve it and not feel guilty or superficial for loving it. Even though I don't have my little yellow teapot anymore I do have all the memories and will always be thankful for it. It served a powerful and meaningful purpose during multiple seasons of my life.
Life is full of losses big and small. It is okay to value the small blessings and miss them when they are gone. The little things often carry us through the big things.
Goodbye little yellow teapot. Thank you for your faithful service. You were a true treasure to me.