Friday, September 28, 2012
I love writing on this blog but lately I feel like I am struck with perpetual writer's block. When I do write it isn't very good so I erase it. It doesn't come out the way I want it to. So I try to change topics or await inspiration (which strikes constantly as I am one of those always inspired types) but when I sit down to put words to what is about to explode inside my brain or heart it doesn't translate. And it is becoming very frustrating to me.
I started blogging to pour my heart out after the deaths of my daughters. I did not consider for one minute if I was a good writer or if what I wrote was worth reading, it was therapy for me, survival, so I wrote on and on and on for the last four years. But now, as I enter this new season in my healing journey I have become keenly aware of my writing ability-or lack there of rather.
I want so badly for what is written here to be meaningful, inspiring, stirring and touching. I want every post to be written well and worth reading. But I am doubting my ability to meet my own standards. And it is really bothering me. When I read what real writers write and how they write-it is undenyable.
I am not a writer.
But I'd really like to be.
Is it possible to learn to write? Or is it something some people just have like the ability to sing or draw? Neither of which I have by the way.
Or maybe writing is for those who not only have something to write but that something is worth reading? Should I focus more on my content? Or is it worth reading because of how it was written? Should I focus more on my style? Do I even have a style? And if not, is it possible to develop one?
I know I know, If a tree falls in the forest....? My brain is tired already.
Yet I find myself longing for it. Truly longing. I have a deep desire in my heart to be able to convert the thoughts in my mind into written words. Flowing, clear, comforting, useful written words. Not these frustrating bumpy words that seem to come so naturally to me. I don't know where it came from or why now but it is in me and it doesn't seem to be going away. I'm not sure what to do with it.
So, who can help me with this? Is there hope for me? Can I learn to write?
Or do I need to accept my lack of writing talent the same way I accept my lack of singing talent-it just isn't how God made me? I mean, I don't go around feeling a deep longing to be able to sing.
I'd love your insight my friends. In the meantime, I will continue to type out these posts with good intentions even if they come out shaky. For now it is the best I can do. I still feel that this blog serves a purpose and I do not feel it is time to end it.