Friday, July 1, 2011

Goodbye Ellie

Three years ago today Ellie left us for Heaven.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I can see the room we were in and the nice young doctor who waited patiently outside the door with his stethoscope to tell us when she was gone. He spoke so quietly and I could see he was sad for us. I remember studying her little face so that I wouldn't forget her and I kept her wrapped up so she wouldn't get cold. She just laid there in our hands, perfectly quiet and still, and so very tiny. And when the end came it was like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. I felt frozen, unable to even breathe, as I realized she was gone forever. I held her a bit longer anyway as I could not bare the idea of handing her over to strangers. When I finally let her go I asked to please keep her warm and don't hurt her and I walked away.

I felt something in me die when she did. I am still fighting to awaken that part of me again. But I feel that as long as I am without her it won't-can't-happen. Without her something very important will always be missing inside me.

I long for the day when I see you again sweet girl. I miss you so.


  1. I think that is a fight that we will always have.

    Praying for you.

  2. Couldn't post a comment, but thinking of your sweet girls as I read more and more of your blog. <3

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss, your sweet Ellie. A piece of me died when my baby did, too. I would love to make memorial scrapbook tags for your girls (free of charge). If you wish, please visit my blog - the info is on my last post.

  4. How is it that the urge to mother and protect carries on, even into death? I didn't want my son to be cold or lonely either, after he was taken away. The bonds are changed but strengthened too, with time. Much love to you as you remember Ellie.

  5. Thinking of you and your sweet girls.
    (( ))


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