Friday, June 24, 2011

Happy Birthday Sweet Girls

Today is Aubrey and Ellie's birthday. Three years ago they were born. I can't wrap my brain around it actually. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday and sometimes it seems almost like it never happened.

It is a little confusing to trying to figure out how to celebrate their birthday. I pondered making cupcakes for them or lighting a candle, but for some reason I decided to keep the celebration in my heart this year.

I have spent the day remembering things; their little faces, how they smelled, their skinny little chicken legs. Sometimes I worry that I am forgetting details. Time has made some of the memories fuzzy. But most memories are as vivid as the moment they occurred. I know those memories will never leave me, not as long as I live.

This morning I put on the necklace my sister Rebecca gave me with their initials on it and I find myself rubbing the little charms between my thumb and first finger for comfort. My mind seems to be only on them today.

I called my dad to make sure that some flowers were put on their headstone since I am not close enough to do it myself. Of course, my dad was one step ahead of me. He sent me a picture of their birthday bouquet and looking at it made me both happy and very sad at the same time. I have yet to get used to seeing my girls' names in stone.

I don't know what else to say. I miss my girls and I miss the life we would have had together. Today especially.

Happy Birthday my sweet darlings. Mommy loves you.

9 comments:

  1. Praying for you and your sweet family as you "celebrate" their lives. It's hard to know how to celebrate and how to grieve, but I know the Lord is faithful and that He is with us through it all. Blessings to you and your family.

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  2. Happy Birthday to your beautiful girls!

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  3. Happy birthday to your girls.

    Praying for some peace for you tonight.

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  4. Thinking of you as you celebrate the precious lives of your baby girls. xoxo

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  5. Thinking of you and your precious little girls. A couple of years ago our kids decided that we should make cupcakes to celebrate Josh & Jonah's birthdays, but that the angels would be making their real cake in Heaven.... I love that thought. Happy Birthday Ellie & Aubrey!
    Love, Lezlie

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  6. Happy Birthday Aubrey and Ellie. Sending you big hugs Rachel.

    xo

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  7. Thinking of you and your sweet girls ♥

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  8. Happy (belated) birthday to your beautiful girls. It brought tears to my eyes to read your dad had already taken then flowers. It means so much when others remember. Hoping you are having peaceful days.

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  9. Wow!! This was amazing to read! I lost my Thomas almost 2 months ago and I already have similar feelings. Sometimes I feel like I just got home from the hospital and sometimes it feels like it never happened. My husband and I actually have said those very words, it seems like a nightmare at times; unreal! Happy birthday to your babies, I don't know what it's like to celebrate a birthday yet, but I can't imagine it being very easy!

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