Today my son got a stomach flu. Poor little guy. He had been complaining that his stomach hurt for the entire day. I thought he was just hungry. And my husband and I totally did that "stop complaining and finish your sandwich" thing, making him eat because we thought his complaining was just a ploy to get out of eating his lunch. We put him down for his nap and BLAMO! Throw up everywhere!
What is really funny is it only took five minutes or so of throw up odor and I was hanging my head over the toilet too. I held it together long enough to get my son in the bath (he even had vomit in his hair) and clean up the bathroom (my husband tackled the couch and carpet), but once I started gagging it was over. My husband had to laugh. I'll admit, it was a little funny.
These are the challenges of pregnancy unfortunately. I honestly don't get at all how I can be ravenously hungry all day, but nauseous at the same time. Why would my body ask for food only to barf it up as soon as I'm done eating? Argh!!!!
I just really don't like to feel sick. Not that anyone does, but I am probably a worse than average sick person. I like to have my energy to do and accomplish throughout the day, not just mope around unsure if I am going to actually throw up or just feel like it. It is frustrating. I want to do something to fix it, not just endure it.
I want control.
Don't we all?
I really should be thankful. This pukey inconvenience is the evidence of a miracle. Growing a baby is hard work. And it no doubt has its challenges. It is tough to be sick for months, and I know women who get way sicker than me, but I think we all have one thing in common...when we finally hold that baby it is all worth it. The nausea, the vomiting, the constipation, the gas, the heart burn, the midnight leg cramps that wake you up out of a dead sleep, the stretch marks, even labor...ALL WORTH IT!
I am going to remind myself of that the next time my head is over the toilet and try to relinquish my desire for control.
After everything, I am still learning to trust. It is so much harder than I ever imagined.
I also have another confession (as if the aforementioned was not enough personal information). I used to be one of those women who truly believed I, my efforts and will, made healthy babies. When my son was born I was convinced that I caused everything to go so well, that I knew the formula for a healthy pregnancy, birth, and baby. Of course I gave God credit, and thanked Him sincerely. But I also gave myself credit. You can imagine the shock, and eventually guilt, I felt when my girls were born too soon. I had failed them, I just knew it. It was all my fault.
It took me months to accept that it was not my fault. I did not cause the deaths of my daughters anymore than I caused the life of my son. I did not posses the control I thought I did. These things are in God's hands.
I know that is really hard for some of you to understand. I can't wrap my head around it either. But I know that it is true. God is always good, always loving, and always wise. What He allows is always for our good and His glory. That does not mean it isn't painful, but we can trust Him.
He saved my girls. Not the way I wanted Him to, but in a way I NEVER could have. Yes, it hurt me. It broke my heart completely. But I was not left with just questions and tears...I was left with a promise. THE PROMISE.
He is in control.
And He has made a way.
Isn't that what Christmas is all about?
A long time ago was a young girl, pregnant with the promised Messiah. An angle visited her and told her a baby named Jesus was growing in her womb, God's son and Savior to the world. And instead of getting upset, instead of asking why she wasn't consulted first, instead of demanding control, she simply obeyed. She trusted. God's way was her way.
And it was not an easy way. But she never stopped trusting. Because she knew He would be OUR WAY.
2000 years later I am so thankful for her obedience. Do you think she knew how far reaching it would be? Do you think that she could comprehend that centuries after that angel's visit, her first born son would be this grieving mother's only hope? She probably didn't. How could she?
But God did.
So on Christmas, God birthed a promise. The only promise never broken.
And with hindsight we can see that everything Mary endured was absolutely WORTHWHILE.
Trusting God is always worthwhile.
How far-reaching will our obedience be if we so choose it? Those of us who were not consulted either before our path was made plain...will we trust?
Trusting God does not mean we won't have pain. It won't be easy.
But it will be worthwhile.
John 16:19-23 20 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. NIV