Sunday, October 11, 2009

Visiting

I visited my girls at the cemetery.

We buried them near my childhood home because being military we don't always know where we will be. My parents will never move so it only made sense to lay them to rest somewhere I would always be able to return to.

My babies are buried where I grew up. There is sad irony in that.

I took them each a bouquet of roses and alstroemerias (different colors of course) and sat with them awhile.

It was a beautiful day. Warm sun, cool breeze. Just lovely. I knelt in the grass and brushed off their headstone. I wanted it to look nice of course. My sister was with me. We sat and talked about Aubrey and Ellie, life, God, faith and the future. Me on one side, her on the other, and a little tiny headstone in the middle. We felt sad. It has been hard on all of us losing Aubrey and Ellie.

It still feels strange going there. It stirs up the memories of the saddest time of my life. I can't imagine ever feeling comfortable at the graveside of my babies.

But I am glad I went.

I wait anxiously to see them again. Until then I have my spot in the grass...

6 comments:

  1. Glad it was such a beautiful day for when you went to visit your babies. I hope someday you find comfort at the graveside of them as I too hope someday I will find comfort in it.

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  2. It is so hard to go where our babies are buried because it is just not the way it should be. It is uncomfortable for me at times too. It sounds like your sister is a wonderful supprt for you, I am glad she was able to go along. xx

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  3. I am so sorry. I am glad you got to visit and took them beautiful flowers. I don't think I will ever be comfortable at Jenna's grave either..
    xx

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  4. shedding tears for you Rachel. What a difficult thing to do...I really don't know if I could do that.
    Probably why our boys ashes are still in their special box at home....because I'm terrified of "putting" them somewhere and then ever leaving them behind.
    my heart is aching for you today.
    xx

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  5. I am so glad that it was a nice day when you visited. A cemetery is not where you should have to go to see your babies.

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  6. Thinking of you and feeling your pain. Perhaps the warm sun was them, shining their love down on you and their aunt. I'll be thinking of you and your girls when I light my candle tonight.

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