Some people may think that there is no such thing as too real. Something is either real or it isn't. But I disagree.
Losing my girls is too real.
This morning I opened Aubrey and Ellie's memory book because I haven't in a while and wanted some time with them. The pictures remind me that they were really here. But now they are not. I still have to remind myself that this all really happened..
It is, in fact, real.
That day in the doctor's office when I saw not one, but TWO, babies on the screen was real. Carrying them in my belly for 24 weeks and 4 days was real. Loving them was real. Naming them, planning for them, setting up their nursery for them, buying a double stroller and two infant car seats for them, dreaming about them...all real.
Sitting in a chair staring at the tiniest casket you ever saw with both my girls in it was too real.
My girls really died. That is the too real part.
I don't know why it is still so hard for me to accept that they are gone. I mean, I live it every day and have for over a year now. But for some reason today I am having an extra hard time accepting what is real.
It is simply too real.
And it hurts.
I just miss my girls.