Today I turned 29. I can't believe how time has flown by. I remember when I was 16 and I thought 29 would never come. But here I am. Twenty-nine and counting. Honestly though I feel older than 29. The last year was a hard one.
One year ago, in March of 2008, I found out I was pregnant. Later that same month I learned I was pregnant with twins. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what events would transpire that year. Last birthday I had my girls. This birthday I do not. It is almost surreal.
I did get to spend my birthday at Disney Land with my husband, son and family visiting from out of state. And I had the privilege of watching my three-year-old have the time of his life. As a parent there is nothing more fun than to watch your child be overcome with excitement. It was a beautiful day, the lines were not too long, and my son had a blast. The perfect day at Disney Land. It was a great way to spend my birthday. I very much enjoyed myself.
But I did think about my girls. The fun of the day did not erase the fact that they were missing. It is a thought I have come to accept as a part of my life now. They will always be missing from everything I do and everywhere I go. I am learning to accept it. But I still miss them. Acceptance does not erase how much I miss them.
Age 28 was the hardest year of my life. I cried so many tears. My prayer is that age 29 will be a year of healing, not hurting. That this is the year the morning comes...and stays.