Thursday, January 1, 2009

Aubrey and Ellie's Milk

On New Year's Eve Day I got to meet, for the first time, the family and little girl that got my girls' milk. When Aubrey and Ellie were alive I pumped my milk for them, saving it for when they could have it. After they died I kept pumping my milk anyway. I just couldn't bring myself to stop. I don't know why. But for seven weeks I pumped my milk every three hours and stored it all carefully in my freezer. Before I knew it my freezer was full of milk. I could not bare the thought of pouring it down the sink. It needed a home. It was time to find a baby that needed my girls' milk.

I made some contacts and in a very short time I received an email from a family that had adopted a little girl that was struggling a bit to gain weight and stay well and they eagerly wanted to find breast milk for her. It turned out they did not live far from my home town so I took all the milk to my mother's house and the family came and picked it up from there. I was not able to meet them at that time though and we made plans to meet sometime in the future.

While visiting my family for Christmas we were finally able to meet. I took my son to their beach vacation home and we had a wonderful afternoon. The family was so gracious and their little girl was so sweet. I loved finally putting a little precious face to the milk that was for my girls. I felt so blessed to have found them, to find a specific family and a specific baby to give my girls' milk to. A baby that I could meet and hold and remember. A family I could stay in touch with. A part of my girls lives on in that little girl and her family and that comforts me. Aubrey and Ellie have touched many lives, not just mine.

I know my girls' milk was deeply appreciated by the family for many reasons and I could not help but feel honored to give it to them. We are all sad that such tragic circumstances brought us together, but also blessed that something so good could come out of something so sad. It is just another example of the good God is accomplishing through my daughters' deaths.

I recognize the good God is doing but I would be lying if I said that it feels good. It feels a little sad too. I can't help but miss my girls. There is so much that I don't understand. I would have been more than happy to pump extra milk for this little girl if she needed it so badly. It seems so extreme that Aubrey and Ellie's death allowed this little girl to get the milk she needed. There has to have been another way. But that is not how this all works. What happened happened. I know my daughters' deaths had nothing to do with this little girl. And she needed milk and I had milk so God linked us together for all our benefit. She got what she needed and I also got what I so desperately needed...a little more peace in my heart. And that peace helps my heart heal. It really does.


  1. Rachel,

    What a wonderful way to honor your girls. You astound me even in times of pain, you are so gracious and giving. I am in awe.


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