Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My dad called me today to tell me that Aubrey and Ellie's headstone has finally been set on their grave and that it is beautiful. I have not yet visited them at the cemetery. I can't bring myself to go. But I have plans to finally see them this weekend while I am visiting my parents to attend my aunt's memorial service. I want to write them each a letter and read it to them while I kneel at their grave. I know I will water the grass with my tears. I will also bring them the most beautiful flowers I can find. Most importantly I am going to spend some time with my girls. I realize they are in heaven and not really in that tiny casket but I think going there will be good for me. It will be a huge step. I will put their letters in their memory boxes when I come home and hold my time at their graveside close to my heart. I need these things to keep me going. Any connection to my girls helps me cope. Any memory I can make with them brings me comfort. I miss them so much.