The deaths of my daughters has been the single most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.
I cannot describe the depth of my hurt. It literally has left me hollow inside. And as I struggle to move on day after day, I can't help but feel completely lost. I don't know how to cope as the world and everything in it keeps moving forward. From the outside I may appear to be functioning, but inside I am hurting so intensely that I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other. I feel paralyzed in my pain and confused.
What am I supposed to do now?
Life for me has changed so profoundly and suddenly I feel completely blindsided. I am still disoriented from the trauma of Aubrey and Ellie's deaths. I am directionless.
Where do I go from here?
How do I move on? I mean really move on, as a whole person, not just parts of me a fraction at a time.
Does the pain really ever go away?
Will I ever be able to remember my girls and see their little faces in my mind without tears streaming down my face?
I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that the only thing that has brought me any comfort or helped me to gain any clarity in the midst of this is to write.
So here I go...